Is everything going down hill again?

I think it might be. You see usually when everyone ditches me, this is a good sign. Maybe I’ve been more of an asshole lately. Maybe I’ve completely partied everyone out. Maybe I’ve been throwing myself pity parties and I just don’t know it yet. I am not sure what the real ‘problem’ [only because it is a problem to me] is, but I know that I want to fix it.

Perhaps though I like the down stages. They do make the upswings much more enjoyable. In life you can not have the good without the bad. I mean my life has plenty of bad [but I don't want to throw a pity party here], but my life has also generally had lots of good in it as well, as much as I may not admit it right now.

You see though I may be a pesimistic right now, I am usually optimistic as hell. I’m the ‘every thing happens for a reason’ kinda guy. You know ‘God works in mysterious ways’. Sometimes I really think God is working backwards though, yet still I pray for perhaps one specific thing and radomly God acts swiftly and directly. Though that is not what this post is about.

Getting back to the point here, I really think life is just going to shit right now. Perhaps it is just because my financial world is collapsing around me. Perhaps it is because I am lonely and I feel like my friends keep ditching me. Perhaps I’m making all of this up, I’m sure to be blowing everything out of porportion here.

I’m posting this now, without review, as I am completely ‘in it’ right now. I hope this is semi understandable.