My thoughts of late have been running quite wild. This semester’s classes have been the most intense of any so far. I do not find time to update my blog or rework any of my sites. In reality I rarely find time to finish all of the features on my church’s website. I haven’t actually been to church in about 1.5 months now. I am to tired on Sunday mornings to go. I wish badly that we had a night service there. All in all what I’m trying to stay is that I am staying busy.

That is what they told me to do, all of them. The real doctors, the head doctors, the aspiring doctors, the witch doctors, and the ‘I want to give advice’ friend doctors. Stay busy and things will smooth themselves out. Well, all in all this is true. It is true not because your daily life fills you so much that you no longer experience pain, but because you daily life gets so full that all emotion gets pushed out the third story window of your apartment and onto the thorned bushes below. This however is not entirely true and only works in theory. I have found that though my emotions have been pushed to back of the broom closet, I can still hear them. They are screaming. An almost silent scream that sounds more like your imagination than a physical sound. Though faint the screams make it to the top of my conscious like nails against a blackboard or a sore on the top of your inner mouth. My emotions almost hesitate to break out but every car crash leaves a wound and they come flying towards me. When this happens I literally reel around in my head knocked around by thier very speed. And it all comes back to me. Michelle, Love, John Wayne, passion, lies, breakup, death, and her life afterwards. I can not help but to love her dearly. I can not help my wandering brain from traversing down the path of ‘what if’s’. I can not stop the wheels of thought from traveling every road I ever thought could make me happy. Maybe I was born with a broken heart.
They say that time heals all.

I guess I haven’t lived very long.