Well, as you might see from the title, today is THE day. I start my first job with a company as an official web designer. This is cool shit for me.

[for everyone]
I am really exicited to finally have a company other than my own to list on my resume for web design work. I am sure I can show off what sites I have made, as well as tell potential employeers (for after college) what roles I played in designing and developing each site, but nothing says that I can work under deadlines, that I can do what the client needs, that I can work well with a team, you know all the company stuff. So this will finally give me some proof that I am in fact able to do all of the above.

Add comment July 31st, 2006 at 11:17am John

Alrighty. I have now gotten all parts of the website up and operational as well as looking good! If anyone has problems with the site, please please let me know. I would really appreciate any feedback on the theme [still] and any feedback regarding what elements to add to the next release.

Add comment July 30th, 2006 at 10:19am John

Some News:

I finally have this site transfered over to the new web host [dreamhost]. Everything is working better, and my flickr plugin is working again!!!

Some things are not looking good, specifically the photos page. I will be messing around with this in the next couple of days so please be patient.

Add comment July 28th, 2006 at 06:42pm John

After having about 15 hours of dreams last night about Michelle, and talking to her for about 1 1/4 hours tonight I am coming closer to understanding our relationship and current situation. There is no spoon. That is to say that there is no answer right now. I believe [from both the dreams and conversation with Michelle] that God is telling me to wait, wait, wait, and then …. wait some more. I am pushed to brink of patienence and then asked if I could hold on just a bit longer. Truely this is maddening and drives me a bit yonkers. Nothing has changed in our situation, except our deeping understanding of it. Our understanding right now is that we just don’t fucking know. Life is a bit nuts and continues to throw unexpected straight balls at me. You know after continuous fast balls, you excpect a curve once in a while, but alas God works in mysterious ways.

I end tonight going to be with a smile on my face because I got to talk [in length] with a woman that I admire and am still deeply in love with. How does it feel to know that someone is waiting for you?

Add comment July 27th, 2006 at 11:19pm John

[a first draft]

keys hesitate in a stubborn lock, going in has never been easy. As the door knob turns my eyes overflow with tears that anticipate this old, empty, stale apartment.
Though I am greeted by life of the four legged kind my mind perceives the sheer blackness of a lonesome home waiting at the top of these stairs.
My legs work through the emotions and slowly ascend; with each step my heart drops lower and lower and lower and lower until I must drag it beneath me clanging like an anchor on the ocean floor.
These days the tears come easy, steadily, with or without reason. I am weak. No longer the strong man I have always pretended to be. Sometimes you can hear my screams three floors down for God to let me die, though I can not fall by my own hand.
Each day I awake; surprised to be living and breathing inside of these empty, hole-ridden walls. The neighbors here must now be used to this plea for death.

If only I could get her to see that I am the man for her. If once again I could hold her companionship in my arms as I lay kisses upon her body.

Though my heart still beats, I know that things inside have perspired, but when the funeral procession came rolling through, not one soul stood to grieve their passing.
The fear that clamps me into a tiny ball of flesh on the carpet is that never again will I be able to touch that which I love, never again to be close enough to smell her, never again to hold hands without clasping, never to whisper a thousand loves in a room of strangers, never again to kiss her very soul, never to see the universe so small in her eyes.

Oh my love, my heart, ma belle. If only in my memory, I shall grow old with you.

Add comment July 23rd, 2006 at 08:40pm John

I mean really. I just don’t have very much to say lately. I am still having bouts of sadness over Michelle. Everyone urges me to move on, I pray and pray on the matter and still I come out confused. I bought a 93 Saturn SC2 last weekend and I have spent every waking hour this past week working on it. The motor is in great shape but the body needed lots of work. Right now it is 3 different colors, but I will have it painted soon! The interior was very very dirty so hurray for Armor All, that shit works wonders. Some of the interior paneling is in bad shape, I’m not sure if I am willing to replace it, but I really don’t like it how it is now. I was at my parents until wednesday working on the car, because my dad has lots more tools that I, so now I am back home in B-town. I worked out a schedule so far with my boss on the football team and it looks like I will still be able to work for them for the entire season!!! I also recieved a call yesterday from the IU Alumni Association. I applied for a web designer position with them at the very begining of the summer. They did not hire me then, but called yesterday to ask if I was still interested in a 20 hour a week position. They will call me early next week with more information and to let me know if I will be hired. This is good news because after fixing up my saturn and taking Ethel to the vet I am shit broke. I did not really plan on this but Ethel needed to see the vet for what I thought was some skin condition. It turns out that she had a small flea problem that her body did not like on bit. Her skin is pink and spotted, plus she has scratched herself in certain places way too much leading to some scabbing and bleeding. Nothing serious but I had to get her checked out. The vet sent me home with tons of meds and stuff for Ethel. We also got all of her vacines taken care of, we tested her for heartworms, and since she came out negative, we started a heart worm prevention medication for her. All of this came to …… way fucking more than I expected. This is the life of a dog owner and I love my Ethel very very much. Her health is very important to me and I will do what is needed.

I guess I did have a little to say, but much still feels the same for me. I have just have one last thing to say, something always on my mind.

I miss you Michelle, and I love you so very much. When can I see you again?

Add comment July 21st, 2006 at 04:13pm John

Well hello again everyone,

I come to you today with an update to my life. As you might know I recently have stopped taking [in accordance with my doctor] my once daily regiment of Lexapro for Major Depressive Disorder. This effort of stepping off the medication has proven, for the most part, quite easy. I have experienced side effects only a small handfull of times. The most notable side effect I experienced was uncontrollable crying, and what a weird side effect! I would be sitting and watching some tv, or surfing the old internet and out of nowhere I would just start crying. Normally this crying would last less than a minute, but what a strange thing to start crying for no known reason. Side effects have pretty much ceased and my life is going on normally. I would say that Lexapro did the trick and my body is now able to produce enough serotonin on its own! Go Body!!!

Side notes:

I will be camping this weekend on Racoon Lake with friends. I should be getting a car on Sat. If all goes well this will be a 1993 Saturn SC2. On Monday I will be with my parents to help them move. After monday I have nothing to really do until school starts. I could use a small part time job, or a web site project to give me a little more money. Cool Stuff!!

Add comment July 14th, 2006 at 01:55pm John

Michelle Michelle Michelle, the love of my life, commented last night on one of my poems entitled “untitiled“. It really made my day when I read it this morining/afternoon. Her reading and commenting on my blog makes me feel special and on top of the world. What I mean to say is that she took time out of her life to read my blog (which I believe she does once in a while), but then took even more time out to make a comment. I tell you world, I am very much in love with that woman. She sways my heart like no other, and smitten with her I shall always be.

With this in mind I responded to her comment telling her thanks. Then I came to think, how the hell will she know that I responded unless she checks that specific page again soon, well she won’t. This can’t be. I set out on a goal and finally came across a plugin to help with just this situation. The plugin is called Subscibe-to-comments [oddly enough]. After just a little bit of css styling I got the plugin looking and working just as I liked. Great stuff. So now wonderfull Michelle Ma Belle, and anyone else, can be notified, if they so choose, to responses to thier comments on a specific post of mine. This is awesome, and works well. So next time she takes time out of her life to read and comment on my blog she can be notified of any other comments that take place on that same posts.

To sum this post up I will quote my true love as she once wrote to me:

Be still my heart!

Add comment July 8th, 2006 at 04:50pm John

[edit]: I could not get FAlbum working again, so unfortunatly no pictures until I get back
Hello everyone,

I am going to be leaving town for about 5-6 days to stay with my parents for a little bit just outside of Indy [Party on Friday night at the Alley Cat]. They have no form of communication, other than word of mouth, so I will obviously be out of communication Have no fear my darling Internet, I will be back for you soon….but only to leave again. Soon I will start [sometime next week] my road excursion. Where I go, the wind only knows. So in the meantime take care of youself, stay off illegal drugs, and have fun and jazzy jazzy stuff.

p.s.
Today is the last day of Lexapro for me!!!! Everything seems to be going well and I hope to not have to be on medication forever. This trial will be good and we will see if my body can handle this seritonin stuff all on its own.

Add comment July 6th, 2006 at 06:05pm John

Well it looks like I will be lacking flickr support until FAlbum is fixed. I’m not sure what the problem is and can’t seem to find it myself. What a bummer.

Add comment July 5th, 2006 at 08:29pm John